at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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