I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
