god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
