Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
