I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
