he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
