I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
