i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
