Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
