I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I smell stomach acid.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
