i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
