Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
