had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
