Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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