wanna go halves on a baby?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
how drunk are you?
Several
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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