I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
