I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
