And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
