apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
