Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
