I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
