It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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