i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
