I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
