Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
