my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
