you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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