ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
worst night to have a conscience
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
