I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
