I accidentally had phone sex last night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
