She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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