hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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