Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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