I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
