the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
