Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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