he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
