I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
