omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Enjoy the penises
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
