Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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