Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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