I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
