after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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