Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
