I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
