I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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