Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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