i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
