Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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