Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
