I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just blew my weed a kiss
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
