He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
