U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
why do cheetos always look like penises
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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