Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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