Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
