You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
