I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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