Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
