My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I just put wine in my tea
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
