i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
