my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
