im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize