Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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