You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.