were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I came so hard my ears popped.
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