All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
