ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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