So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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