before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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