non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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