umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
