Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
