what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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