piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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