i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
