Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
