It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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