I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
In America we eat man semen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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