dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
