So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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