So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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