can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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