so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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