i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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