dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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