a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
