didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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