some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's just like the Real World with babies
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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