I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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